Friday Fives: Traditionally Traditions

Welcome to the Hammond home! Where traditions don't exist unless they're really strange and can only be broken upon random consent (a thing that happens quite often considering we don't observe many traditions.)

First things first. Let's meet our traditions!

1. Thou shalt not eat less than one plate full of holiday food during the eating time. Unless thou wishes to be ridiculed for the wimpy nature* of your gut.

2. Thou shalt not be told what to buy as a gift because we all know that gift-buying is supposed to be the most difficult and hair-pulling task of the holiday season, and honestly, by this point you should just know what to get someone. We aren't mind-readers** for nothing. Happy hunting! Please don't gnash your teeth in public.

3. Going out of town to see long lost relatives is not how we roll. They come to us. After all, we are the most important members of our family tree***.

4. Plans that work well and easily are for schmucks, and we most certainly are not those kinds of people. We must have plans that require skill and cunning to execute; however, it must be done with the least amount of effort possible. We can't allow the general populace to know we actually tried to create awesomeness. That would just be ridiculous.

5. If someone isn't in a bad mood by the end of the day, then we haven't done our jobs and should be ashamed of ourselves. If you are the lucky individual to resent every other member of the human race, then you should revel in that power because you are the chosen one of the holiday. Rejoice! and spread your anti-cheer!

Happy Holidays!


*I previously held this title throughout my younger years because I abhorred casseroles, but the past three years have seen me blossom into a trash compactor. I eat all things and much of them. 
**Seriously. All you can get out of those people is, "I dunno. I don't care. Just get me something." 
***The fact that we're also the craziest often escapes us. And we wonder why no one ever comes to see us...

Friday Fives: The Instruments of Words

I had to think about this question in depth a few months ago when I read Roland Barthes interview "An Almost Obsessive Relation to Writing Instruments." My critical theory professor adores Barthes and we studied this essay for weeks trying to find all of the juicy hidden meanings behind everything. The part that stuck with me the most, and that applies to this Friday Fives prompt, is the fact that Barthes was very particular about his pens and his writing environment.

In fact, he was extremely set in his ways. He's a structuralist in every sense of the word and openly admits it in the essay. "To be able to function, I need to be able structurally to reproduce my usual work space," he states near the beginning of the piece, but "It isn't the walls but the structures that count."

In addition, he would not write unless it was with a fountain pen--the kind with nibs--and he had a compulsion that drove him to buy fountain pens whenever he saw them. As a result, he had pens from all over the world and was always buying more. He didn't use all of them, but he simply had them for the reason of having them.

Sort of like me at the bookstore.

This post requires me to go at the process of writing from an angle that I'm not used to traveling. Without the computer, pen, or pencil, what else is there to the writing enterprise? What could I possibly need in order to write?

Here is where Barthes comes into the equation once again, because he does manage to provide some interesting insight into the writing process. All writers have certain "quirks" when it comes to how, where, and when they will write. We may not acknowledge those things as existing, or maybe we do but take them for granted. For Barthes part, he knows exactly what he needs and what must be in place in order for him to write, and he's very specific about his writing areas and practices.

As for me, I must:

1. Be cross-legged and wearing comfortable pants.
2. Be alone.
3. Have something to drink.
4. NOT HAVE FOOD.
5. Hear music, but only if I'm in the mood for it. It can't be loud, and the type depends on how I'm feeling or what I'm writing.

That's about it. Of course, there are always instances where I can't have all of those things or I might not be able to play music, sit cross-legged, or be alone (like during a test), but those times don't happen very often.

The reason I put so much emphasis on the no FOOD is because food, while yummy and life-sustaining, really distracts me more than anything else. I can write with the TV on and if my neighbors are playing the same thumping song over and over again, but if you put a bag of chips within reaching distance of me while I'm trying to write, I will eat instead of writing. That's just the way the cookie crumbles. Cookies... *wants*

It's for this--and other reasons, my ADD notwithstanding--that I take breaks while writing. They're short breaks, but breaks all the same. Sitting on your feet can make them fall asleep or so I've discovered. But standing up and eating every 30 minutes is my built-in system to prevent distraction and numb appendages.

What five things do you need in order to write? Fluffy pillow? Fruit smoothie? Full moon? Let me know in a comment below or go on over to Paper Hangover to join in the linktastic fun! Also, have a great weekend!

(So sorry for dragging on and on about Barthes. I'm studying for my final in that class and the stuff just won't leave me be.)

Friday Fives: WIP It Now

Goodness, this is a difficult prompt for me to answer. You see, I've only ever "gotten to the end" of one WIP. And it was what I consider to be entirely an accident. Well, not completely an accident considering I did mean to conclude it at some point, but it's not like I had an actual end in mind.

That's one of my problems that I conveniently forgot to include in my list of Weaknesses in the RTW this week. I'm horrible at finishing things. I'm great at meeting deadlines for the smaller projects, but when it comes to tying up loose ends in a WIP and typing "The End," I find myself at a loss for how to proceed.

However, I have a pretty good idea of what I should be doing to reach that fabled end point and I often lecture myself using these very points to follow.

1. Just type! It doesn't have to be perfect the first time!
2. Just keep typing, just keep typing, just keeeeeeeeeeep tyyyyyypiiiiiiing!
3. Carpal tunnel is for babies! Keep typing, cadet!
4. If you don't keep typing, your character will die. Do you want them to die? Oh, you do? Wow, umm, this is awkward. Keep typing?
5. Once you finish, you'll feel so good. Don't you want to feel good? I bet you do. Also, at the end of the book is a pot of gold! I know you want that! Type!

So there you have it folks. My five ways to finish a WIP. Now you know why I have so many issues. I have multiple personalities and none of them are good coaches. Although I think Number 5 sounds pretty nice, and Number 2 probably likes "Finding Nemo."

Thanks gals at Paper Hangover for another Friday Five. Maybe next week I'll have a better list. Oh my! I just realized that I didn't include Harry Potter in this list! This is like an alternate reality...is this real life?


Just because I felt like it, I've decided to share my Pony Alter-ego. I was really into creating pony-alikes for all of my friends about a month ago (thanks to C.J. Redwine) and here's the one I made for myself.  Of course my pony is reaching for a book, although how she thinks she's going to read it without opposable thumbs I have no idea. Crazy pony-me. Have a great weekend!

Friday Fives: Authors of Legend

Paper Hangover does a fantastic job of getting my brain juices flowing even though by the end of the week I'm pretty much useless. I don't know what that says about my writing, but I think that when my brain sees the Friday Five prompt, it gets its second wind.

This week, I'm going to try and keep things simple. For one thing, I'm tired and I have a few articles to write and an interview to transcribe, but for another, sometimes I feel like an author's body of work speaks for itself and anything I may try to say is just extraneous flapping of the gums. Or in this case, flailing of the fingers.

1. Garth Nix

2. J.K. Rowling

3. J. R. R. Tolkien

4. Edgar Rice Burroughs

5. Jorge Luis Borges

Now, I know there are a few in that list that you were likely expecting me to say, but that there are also a few that some of you may not have anticipated. I like to do that every once in a while. Just to keep y'all on your toes.

It wouldn't be a Friday Five post without a little dash of Harry Potter magic, so of course Jo Rowling is on there. I've already discussed, I believe, my fascination with Garth Nix's Abhorsen series and his writing style. Tolkien is never far from my heart. No really, I have one of his books near me at all times. It's kind of freaky actually. I don't even plan it. Right now I can see The Legend of Sigurd and Gudrún.

As for Mr. Burroughs, he has been a favorite of mine since childhood. My great-grandfather collected his books--the stories of Tarzan, Mars, Venus, Pellucidar, and other various fantastical worlds--and when he died, my grandmother continued the tradition. Whenever I would go over to her house, I'd pick out one of Burroughs' books, and since they aren't very long, I'd finish it before I left. She says she's going to give me her entire collection one day. The thought makes me all warm inside, because, although it's not necessarily what we might call a literary tradition in the sense we know it to mean, it is a tradition of literature to me.

Mr. Borges, though, now he's a newcomer to my author shrine. I only met him through his collection of short stories, Labyrinths, almost a year ago. It was for a 400 level class and immediately upon reading the first story, I fell in love with his writing style. It is almost impossible for me to explain it, and if you haven't read anything by Borges, I know you wouldn't understand even if I tried. What the heck. I can try.

Borges writes so thoroughly that I feel as if he knew that one day I would be reading his words. It's like he's speaking directly to his audience, without speaking directly to them. This isn't working.

"I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library." - Jorge Luis Borges, "Poema de los Dones"

That is Borges. It's not the best that I could show, but it's just so hard to choose that I had to just pick at random. Anyway, happy Friday! Until next time...read some Borges!

Friday Fives: A Whole New World(s)

Hello everyone! It's Friday yet again, which you may or may not already know, but if not, that's okay. Paper Hangover has provided the prompt, and as you can see, it's a good one. I only know the days of the week because my Google calender alerts me. Isn't that nice?

Before I digress too far down that road of whether or not Google calender alerts are the best things in the entire world, let's go to a few different worlds.

This is my Pottermore profile. Nice, huh? Yeah, it's swell. 

1. The wizarding world of Harry Potter. Yes. That's right. Another Friday Five list with The Boy Who Lived. You really shouldn't be so surprised. If I could just go to Hogwarts and be sorted into a House (Gryffindor!), my life would truly be complete. Seriously. I'd die happy. As it is, I have to settle for Pottermore, and even though it's pretty nifty and I'm in Gryffindor, the real thing would be so much better, as is always the case.

2. Just in case that genie in the lamp doesn't wanna take me to Hogwarts, my second choice would be the Star Wars universe. Why? Two reasons: 1) Space travel with handsome rogues and alien worlds, and 2) Lightsabers. Need I say more? Of course, being in that universe is contingent upon me being a Jedi, and I would fully plan on being the first Ewok Jedi ever. Just imagine the possibilities. I'd be super adorable and deadly. Best of all worlds right there.

3. On the flip side of the coin, if Jedi mindtricks and lightsaber battles were not an option either, I'd have to choose Middle Earth. It's a bit less technological, and I'd probably miss my computer and robot side-kicks, but the trade-off would be worth it, I believe. Although, deciding what to be in Middle Earth is a bit more problematic. I'd like to say I'd want to be an Elf, but they don't seem to have a lot of fun. So, I think being a Hobbit would be cool. Yet with that choice comes the fact that I'd be the shortest humanoid, and if I get to choose, I'd like to be tall. I think I'll have to go with Rohan. They have horses.

4. Next on the list of fantasy lands is Tortall. I haven't talked much about Tamora Pierce on this blog, and I don't know why because I love her books, but Tortall is a cool place. It's got magic, knights, rogues, villains, wars, mythological creatures--basically, the whole kit-and-kaboodle.

5. Last but not least, Narnia! There is just something about talking animals that makes me think that is a place I'd fit in. I'd have to get rid of all the pesky white witches and evil uncles, but once that was done with, I'm sure Narnia would be a nice home for me. Besides, I've always wanted to know why a dog chases its tail. Living in Narnia might finally answer that question.

Alright folks, thanks for hanging in there if you indeed did! I didn't mean to ramble so much, but I'm bored, so that's what happens. Happy Halloween weekend!